Elevator Hatred

I hate elevators. There - I said it.

It sounds silly, right? How could anyone hate a device that saves us from climbing countless flights of stairs? Easy - I hate elevators because they are awkward. I don't like being next to people in elevators, and I know that they probably don't like being next to me.

I hate having to stand there and look at the floor or whatever and be quiet. A few months ago, I had to attend one of those mandatory "Harassment Prevention" training classes that corporate America now makes all employees go to. One of the things they pointed out was that a lot of people are getting into trouble for staring at women's reflection in the elevator doors. (Of course, in order to be safe from complaints these days you have to act like the 3 Monkeys)

I also don't like smelling people, and I don't like them smelling me. But in an elevator (particularly a crowded elevator) you don't have much choice. Of course, sometimes you have the joy of smelling someone in absentia. (You know what I mean) Ssssssniifff! mmmm somebody had eggs for breakfast. It's disgusting (unless I'm the one in absentia).

Another thing that really annoys me is people who talk on their cell phones in elevators. Frankly, if I wanted to listen to you talk, I'd be on the other end of your call.

For me, a trip in an elevator is like nap time in Kindergarten: no talking, no touching, and try not to notice the person next to you has stinky feet.