Metro Madness

This morning, Chantay blogged about proper etiquette on the Metro, or as I call it (particularly this time of the year) "the Petri Dish".

Frankly, I think there’s something unsavory about being trapped in a little box with 100 people, while you stand next to a guy who’s coughing up a snail, and cling to a grimy pole covered with god knows what.

If you think I’m just being paranoid then you obviously haven’t read a sign I saw in a Metro station in D.C. last Friday night. It read: "If there are 10 DC residents on your train, 3 of them have HIV." Now there’s something to think about while you’re packed in during rush hour with some suit’s ass in your face.

It makes me wonder about the diseases that aren’t so high-profile. What about typhoid or tuberculosis? How many people on my train are nursing a nasty case of Ebola? CNN reported this morning that the number of Gonorrhea cases in the US is down, but Syphilis is on the rise. I consider these things and it becomes clear to me that probably 8 out of those 10 people on my train are afflicted with something or other. That leaves just two of us healthy, and you’d better hope nobody gets off at the next stop, because statistically speaking, that could be very bad for your health.

The fact of the matter is that even apart from the obvious health risks, riding public transportation can be a frustrating and infuriating experience. I've sometimes fantasized about taking a cattle prod with me when I ride the Metro. Zap! Take that slow old lady standing on the left side of the escalator! Zap! Call them back later Mr. Loud-Cell-Phone-Talker! Think about it: if they gave you a free zapper with your Smart Trip card, people would learn to be polite in a hurry.